His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
