I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
