Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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