At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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