imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
