There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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