So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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