I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Two words: blizzard sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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