brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
