i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Why is your signature on my underwear?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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