Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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