btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My life is pants optional.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
