I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
