i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
