I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
