guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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