WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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