i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
