last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
