You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
