all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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