moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You took a bar mat shot.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
