This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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