My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
