Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
