I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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