I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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