moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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