Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Vodka?
Forever.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
