sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
