I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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