Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the condom got lost in my hair
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
