he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
