She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
