my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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