my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My pussy is not your playground.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
