Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
