the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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