By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
