I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
