do herpes really smell.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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