Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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