OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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