I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
