I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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