I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
