I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
