my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
