He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
ttyl tear gas
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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