Me too!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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