I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
