I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
