JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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