They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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